There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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