I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
