And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
