you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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