He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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