The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
