the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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