It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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