just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
These tits shall not be calmed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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