Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
