I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
