haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
