Where are you?
In a non slutty way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
