when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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