I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How's work?
Spinning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
