thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
