I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
