She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
