I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
