the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
