the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
