I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
