don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
