After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
