capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
