I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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