they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
