Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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