I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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