so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sponge bath it is.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's paint friendship bongs
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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