i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
wow bdsm is so cute
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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