im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
