apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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