unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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