you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
