she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
