I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
