if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
