Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
