i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My vagina just clenched in fear
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
