Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
