Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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