i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
