i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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