Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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