Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you had me at cake vodka
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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