it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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