Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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