We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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