hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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