I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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