We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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