I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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