she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
