I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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