Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
