Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
