mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
