if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
