we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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