i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
