Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
