You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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