What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
