youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
