i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
