I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
