i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
