drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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