I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
